Babies Don’t Always Follow the Rules

When I was pregnant, in preparation for the arrival of my baby, I read as many baby books as I could consume.  You may have done something similar.  I thought I was as prepared as possible and I thought I would know just what to do when my daughter arrived.  Then, she was born and broke all of the rules I knew and I panicked.  Panicked!  What are you supposed to do when your baby isn’t following the guidelines, the rules, or the advice of the experts?

The most important thing you can do is to remember that no one knows your baby as well as you do.  You are the expert on your baby.  There will be tons of experts on every subject.  There will be an endless parade of family, friends, neighbors, bloggers, and complete strangers who will give you advice.  Most people only want to help, but when someone tells you that your baby should be sleeping through the night at eight weeks, and your baby is waking every four hours at ten weeks, you will have self-doubt.  Even the most confident individual can become the most insecure new mother.  It can be extremely overwhelming when you have a set of guidelines or advice from someone you trust and your baby is doing her own thing.  Before you panick, take a deep breath, grab something to drink (tea, water, wine…anything goes) and walk through these steps:

Find a Peditrician You Trust

You may have interviewed tons of peditricians when you were pregnant, or you may have just picked a random name from the phone book.  In any case, you should re-assess your opinion of your peditrician once the baby is born.  Do you trust her?  Is she open to answering your questions?  Can you make an appointment when you just need to make sure your child is okay?  Your peditrician should be your partner and you should feel that you can talk to her about anything having to do with your child.  When my daughter was six weeks old, the lactation consultant I was using told me that my daughter was eating too often and was gaining too much weight.  I ran to the doctor’s office to figure out why she was always so hungry and what I should do about it.  My peditrician was able to help me learn that my daughter did not have anything wrong with her, that she really was just hungry, and that her weight gain was not a concern or an indicator of a present or future problem.  Sigh of relief.

Do a Gut Check

As I said, you are the expert on your baby.  Do you think your baby should be breastfeeding every two hours and not every three hours like the book said?  Do you think your four month old still needs to be swaddled to sleep even though your mom told you that you were stunting his development?  Try to clear your mind of what you think your baby should be doing and make your own assessment.  Do you think there is an issue?  Trust yourself and feel confident that you will do whatever it takes to make sure your baby is surving, thriving, and growing into a healthy, happy person.

Create Your Standard Response

If your baby is breaking the rules, and your peditrician assured you that there is no issue, and your gut confirmed that your baby is okay, decide what your standard response will be to any unsolicited advice.  If you are prepared with a standard response, you will help prevent a panick relapse.  People like to comment on how much my baby breastfeeds.  I simply state, “I know, I was concerned too.  I went to the peditrician and she said that this frequency is perfectly normal.  I guess she knows better than I do!”  I found that no one will really press me if confirm that I too had a concern and that I am following the guidance of the peditrician.  I have a friend that simply says, “Thank you for your concern.”  Trust me, this simple statement said with conviction stops even the most determined advice-giver in her tracks.

Remember that babies are like snowflakes and no two are exactly alike.  It is what makes raising a baby so fun, so difficult, and oh so rewarding.

Lauren Gordon just survived her first year of motherhood and is finally well-rested enough to write about it.  She is not an expert, funny, or particularly good at writing, but she still feels compelled to share what she learned with other new moms.

Related posts:

1. Guide to Tummy Time for Babies
2. Music for Babies Review
3. Babies and Gifts – A Quick Guide
4. Cool Twin Parents to Follow on Twitter
5. The Importance of Labor for Babies