As we near the middle of the year 2009, it seems blended families are very common than ever before. There are many studies out there in the world stating that a child who lives in a home with a biological parent and a stepparent have lower grades and more behavioral issues than those who are living with both biological parents.
Something to take into consideration would be that when a child has a stepparent, and biological parent living in the same house, they usually have visitation with the other biological parent. If both households are completely different in parenting techniques, discipline styles or any other area of parenting, it could possibly be to blame for behavioral and other issues mentioned in blended family studies. In all reality if a child as to share two completely or even slightly different households it would be very similar to having to be two completely different “people”, thus creating a huge amount of emotional issues along with other issues most commonly associated with having a blended family.
The best study to test how a child suffers emotionally from being part of a blended family would be to take into consideration the two households a child must share throughout their lives of living in a blended family situation. The most accurate study testing a child’s behavior when living in a blended family situation would be certain to note that discipline and parenting styles each household enforces. A study that takes into consideration the parenting styles between households would then result in very different results.
Children of blended families often tend to be less outgoing, less secure and yes, they even have behavioral issues, however, I personally am willing to bet that those children that act out in such a way, have two COMPLETELY different households to share!
From experience as a mother who is married and has a daughter from a previous relationship I can say that blended families can be a positive and rewarding experience for children. My oldest is above average in school, very outgoing, very independent and not afraid to tell me or her biological father what happens between households, good or bad. I feel that the reason I have raised such a great outgoing, well rounded child, is because I have worked with my ex-husband in a way that allows us to keep some consistencies between households. At one point in time, my oldest child was acting out and being very emotional, so I took her to counseling along with my ex. Within just two sessions the counselor was able to see that due to loss of communication between my ex and I our daughter had learned to play us against each other, and was reacting to the tension that had built up between us. The counseling sessions helped alot, and now we have worked to create a semi-consistent structured environment for our child at his home and mine. This structure of a somewhat consistent parenting style between households has made a world of difference in our homes.
The moral of this article and sharing my personal experience with you, is this; if you are a parent or a step parent in a blended family situation faced with a child who seems to be having emotional and behavioral issues then seek counseling or mediation with the other biological parent. Taking the time to open communication and seeking a semi-consistent parenting style between households is bound to create a whole new child!
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Brandy Tanner
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