Children and Coping with Adults’ Illnesses

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My mother has cancer and two of my uncles have died from cancer since my children were born. It’s not easy to explain death to small children. But, for my children, it’s more normal I think than most, (that part about me waiting until I was of advanced maternal age to have children means that relatives just tend to be older). But, illness that hits home is tough too.

For one, my mom has cancer. Both of my kids are accustom to seeing my mom everyday. And, they generally stay all day long on Sunday’s, from before church until church time in the evenings. She had chemo last year and it was tough on them because they simply didn’t understand why they couldn’t see her as often. But, physically, she just wasn’t up to it.

She lost all of her hair which again, the explaining of that was quite difficult. But, the good news was, she was in remission when it was all over. Until now. She had her first of three treatments yesterday. And, then she had to return to the doctor today for a shot and will have to go once a week for the next 2 weeks for a shot and then week three brings another treatment. And, lather, rinse an repeat for a set of 3 treatments. One of which will occur the Monday before Christmas.

For my mom, the first day of the treatment she makes it fine. The second day she still says she feels fine and seems to do well. By the end of day three, she is in a chair, looking very sick and it’s obvious that feels rotten. And just as it lets up, she has to go get another shot which in turn renders her sick for at least 24 hours.

Change gears, since my second child was born, I’ve had a hysterectomy, a back surgery, a broken bone surgery and tomorrow I will have surgery for TMJ. Today alone we left home at 8 a.m., hauled the kids to my mom’s appointment for her shot, then to my doctor for whatever it is that is ailing my spleen. That was an extended visit and at 11 we were headed to another clinic for a cat-scan.

At 1:45 I emerged from the catscan clinic and my kids had wasted an entire day running from doctor to doctor. At some point during the day, my mom made this statement, “these kids are never going to know about anything but going to the doctor and being sick”.

And, this saddens me. But it is the truth.

I have diabetes, thyroid dysfunction and fibromyalgia so we have a lot of days around here where we simply do nothing because “mommy doesn’t feel well”. And, I hate that.

My grandmother had 17 siblings and as a child, I remember attending viewings and funerals at an obnoxious rate. I am an only child and babysitters weren’t easy to come by and I was forced to deal with death over and over. And, I know it is good for kids to be exposed to various aspects of life such as viewings and funerals, but when your family is as big as my grandmother’s, well, that’s just alot of looking at dead people.

And, for my kids, there have been the two deaths but illnesses abound us because of my age, the age of my family and just simply the process of life. And, again, I hate that they have to be exposed to such horrible aspects of life at such a young age, but, I also don’t know any other way to cope.

What about you? Do you force your children to go to viewings of close family members? What about maybe co-workers or their family members funerals?

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