Consistency in Parenting is Key

We all struggle with elements of parenting at some time or another. Sometimes it is easier than others. Sometimes we have to give up the battle to win the war. But, the most difficult element and, I believe the most important, in parenting is consistency. So, where do we start with consistency? Are you consistent? Do you want to be?

Consistency with your Child

Your child learns the rules quickly. What to do and not to do. How to behave if he/she wants to be rewarded and what happens if he/she doesn’t behave well. And, it is a child’s duty in learning about the world around him/her to test the boundaries and test the commitment (or consistency) of parents. If children didn’t test the rules and the consequences, they wouldn’t know what is important to remember and what is not. If you are not consistent, they will keep testing the rules and the outcome of their behavior against the rules. How can we expect otherwise, if we are not providing our children with a predictable result each time?

Not only will inconsistency cause problems with your child and his/her behavior, but you are setting him up for a difficult adjustment in the world without a sense of predictability. He/she may “test” laws and the breaking of them to see if the same inconsistency is found in the world around them. He/she may also have a hard time working well with others if they are not familiar with expected results and behaviors. Yes, this may be a severe reaction to inconsistent parenting, but you get the picture…it is critical for our children to understand proper behavior and rules and what breaking them means.

Consistency with your Spouse

Oftentimes this is more difficult than consistency with your child! How do you and your spouse make sure that you are on the “same page” of parenting when you may not be able to confer about new situations and new behaviors and how they relate to current household rules. This is a challenge for all families that I know, including myself.

The best way to ensure consistency through these busy times is to set up a “parenting plan”. The items to include – What are the most important things that need consistency in order to be taught and what are the things that are less than important and how should they be handled. Just to set the record straight, there will never be 100% consistency as long as there are 2 people involved in enforcing the house rules. But, you can back each other up and create a united front for the children so that they don’t try to pit you against each other knowing there is weakness. Discuss any misunderstandings or disagreements behind closed doors and revise the “parenting plan” accordingly.

Consistency with Relatives and Day Care Providers

Even if you are extremely consistent with your child and spouse, you need to think about your children’s regular exposure to relatives and day care providers too. Many parents work and have relatives or day care providers care for their children while they are at work. Your children should have the same set of rules and rewards or consequences with these groups to continue the consistency in their upbringing. For this reason, you should discuss parenting philosophies with anyone who is caring for your children for long periods of time. Of course, you cannot expect everyone to follow your complete “parenting plan”, so make sure you highlight the important elements. 

We all try to make the right choices in parenting our children, but we will make mistakes. If we have a plan with the most important parenting elements and keep emotion out and consistency in, we should all do just fine!

External Sources:

Dr. Marilyn Heins’ web site

The Parent Coach plan

Article by Dr. Noel Swanson

About the Author:

Lisa Hallas is the Type-A Mom Children Editor. She has 2 wonderful girls and is always on the look-out for more information on parenting and raising children in today’s world. She has her own blog for busy moms.

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2. Helicopter Parenting
3. Co-Parenting: Think Before You React
4. Shared Custody with Parenting Plan
5. Parenting When You’re Sick