The Great Debate of when to separate twins often happens at home, at school, even at the therapist’s office. Many schools simply require that twins are separated in kindergarten or by first grade, and often it’s up to the parents to deliver an argument against that ruling. We chose to separate our twins in preschool and so this was not an issue for us upon entering kindergarten. Bottom line, every set of twins is different. Parents can observe a number of things to help them make the decision to separate their twins, and discuss with their school (public, private or preschool) what is best for their duo.
Are they identical or fraternal twins?
While all twins have a unique relationship, identical twins can have a stronger connection to their twin which can make it more difficult to separate them. As a parent, spend some time observing how your twins play together. Make note of who is the more dominant twin and how the less-dominant (I don’t like to use the term ‘submissive’) operates when playing alone or with other children. If he/she is always looking to their twin to take the lead, then you may want to consider waiting another year to separate. And consider using that time to help the less-dominant twin start making his/her own decisions.
Are they exclusive to their twin?
Do your twins tend to only play with one another in preschool, at mommy’s day out, or on the playground where there are other children around? Do they play with other children comfortably? Do they ever break away from their twin to play with other children? My one friend kept her boys together in preschool simply because they were already very good at playing apart from each other. They each made new friends in the class and spent a good amount of time engaged with other children, separately. For them, having their twin in the classroom was comforting, but not a necessity.
Do you find your twins competitive?
This was our issue. At 3 years old one would no longer “like” doing an activity if her sister was better than her at doing it. That was what prompted me to separate them the following fall at preschool. My thinking was that it’s ok to not like math because you don’t like it….but not because your sister is better than you at doing math. In the end I swear this is why my twins, while competitive in some ways, are more often ready to help one another when one is struggling where the other one succeeds. They don’t see their difference in skill sets as a negative. It’s just where they are and they use each other for help when they need it.
How long is the school day?
Many preschool and kindergarten programs are only a few hours in length in the morning. In addition, some preschools offer “after-care” options from noon until 3:00 pm or later for working parents. Consider how many days your twins will be in school and the length of day before deciding to separate them. The year we separated our twins, they were going to preschool three days a week. At their school the program ran from 9:00 am until noon and then they combined all the kids who stayed from noon until 3:00 into one ‘after care’ program. So, I was comfortable knowing that our twins were only apart from each other for 3 hours, 3 days a week. Every other waking moment (and sometimes sleeping moment) they were together. For our twins, having that time apart to make new friends and explore their own talents and interests has given them confidence and an appreciation for their twin.
Photo of School Bus by Kamoteus on Flickr Creative Commons
Janine Nickel (@twincident on Twitter) is the the mother of 6-year old twin girls and has learned that there’s nothing like children to show you all your defects of character. Janine blogs about her neuroses, her twins, and she reviews products and hosts giveaway at TwoferMom.com.
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