Don’t Bash Child’s Co-Parent

Being raised in a co-parenting situation I can say from personal experience that having each parent express rude comments to or about the other parent is inappropriate. Even to this day, and I am nearly twenty eight years old, my parents still seem to think it’s okay to talk badly about the other parent should they not agree. This makes it tough as child trying to find their way in the world and trying to cope with two different homes. Eventually the child will grow to fear opening up to each parent about the other one because it will only lead to name calling and parent bashing, rather than resolving the situation at hand.

Faults In Co-Parent

It’s obvious that the person you had a child with is not the perfect match for you, this is obvious in the fact that you are longer dating that person or married to that person. The faults of the co-parent of your child are not faults that your child should be aware of. This is of course if their faults are based on simply being a horrible partner to you. Let’s say you are no longer with your ex because they lied, they cheated or they were abusive to you verbally or physically. Just because your ex was one way with you, doesn’t automatically make them a bad parent. If in fact your ex is a pathelogical liar and has no morals, eventually your child will see right through the co-parent, but this has to come from the child’s own interpretations. Humans are full of faults, we were not created perfect.

Allowing Child To Learn About Faults

The appropriate way to handle the situation of your ex having major faults, is simply to allow your child to see these faults in their own time. It’s not a good idea to bash your ex into the ground, because afterall they are your child’s other parent and your child deserves respect. A child will eventualy grow older and make the ultimate decision on whether they wish to have this person in their immediate life or distance themselves. Your child must make the decision to realize the faults of each of their parents in their own time, at their own descretion.

One thing I have learned is that no matter how horrible of a relationship the co-parents had it seems they usually end up being pretty decent parents. It’s the love you both have for your child that should be uplifted and focused on. If your ex truly has faults such as lying and belittling the child, eventually they will distance themselves from that parent, why? Quite frankly because as your child grows from a toddler to a teen they will start to be more independent and have their own thinking process. The only thing you can do as a parent is to raise your child in the best way you know how, don’t worry about your ex (unless the child is in harms way) and allow your child time to grow, create their own opinions and soon they will see all the faults you see and make the determination as to how to handle the sitatuion all on their own.

Image by Glen Bowman

Brandy Tanner is the editor for Mom Types-Blended Families here at Type-A-Mom. Brandy writes daily over at Happily Blended about her life as a work at home mom of three.

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3. Opposing Parenting Styles With Your Ex
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5. Co-Parenting: Think Before You React