If you have a teenager, I am assuming they have a Facebook account or they will be asking to set one up. Even if you are like me and have had a Facebook account for a few years before your young person asks for one, navigating Facebook as a family can be difficult. First, Facebook terms of service state that you must be 13 years old to have an account. Parents, I implore you not to let your under-13 child have an account. That’s an article for our preteen section, but there are good reasons to wait until they are 13.
If you, as the parent, are not already on Facebook, do it now. Even if you don’t use it to connect with friends and colleagues, please use it to monitor your child’s use. What does that monitoring need to look like? That is going to depend on your family. For us, about once a week I go to my son’s page to see what’s going on, what’s being posted and what pictures are up. It isn’t a set time every week, and I rarely comment on his page so he never knows when I am checking. We talked about rules before my son joined Facebook. Until he is 16, we have to know his password, and he has to be our unrestricted friend. We decided that if he is trustworthy enough to drive a car, he should be trustworthy enough to manage his account.
Why do you need to monitor their usage? Honestly it only took my son two weeks to lose Facebook privileges for the next two weeks. It wasn’t a horrible transgression, but he was using language that was not appropriate. This is where Facebook is so tricky. The kids think of it like they are talking to each other on the blacktop at school and they quickly forget who is “listening” to these conversations. They might have their own privacy settings locked down, but the minute they post on someone else’s wall, it is out in the internet forever. Schools, colleges and future employers will be able to find Facebook activity. Clearly my son also forgot that his beloved MawMaw is his friend on Facebook. While he is learning about this social networking space, it is up to us to guide him.
We were lucky that he learned his lesson quickly. It has been fairly smooth sailing. Only a few times have my eyebrows shot up over my forehead when reading his wall. I am more likely trying to figure out how he has so much time for Farmville when his computer time is limited. Facebook is trying to help parents with resources like this one about Keeping Teens Safe Online. If you browse their extensive help center with the word “Parents” you will find several articles. Once you have been on Facebook for a bit, it will be time for us to talk a little bit more about commenting, chat, and posting pictures of your teens. If you have any questions about Facebook please ask in the comments and I will do my best to answer them.
Photograph copyright Amy Hodges 2010
Amy Hodges has worked with young people and their families for the last twenty years. She has been helping families navigate the online world which has not at all prepared her for her teen to be online. You can read more about her adventures at A Million Boxes.
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