Girlfriends

The key element in my personal ability to maintain any level of sanity is friendship. I need friendship. I need my girlfriends!

I have been asked to speak at two different MOPS groups recently, both topics having to do with friendship. One was focused on getting beyond the guilt (mommy guilt) of taking time to cultivate relationships, and the other had more to do with friendships in the online era.

It got me thinking about how others view me. I must be viewed as one who is social. It’s true, and I have been so from my very beginnings. I need people. I need the interaction, the challenge of other perspectives, the laughter.

Just having my little people around, my children, doesn’t provide the outlet I need. I need grown-up interaction. I hunger for the input, the conversation, the humor, the perspective of adults… particularly women. We need each other. But I struggle with feeling guilt for taking time to spend with my friends, my lifeline.

Some mothers may not struggle as I do. I met one woman at one of these meetings who says she never feels guilt about taking time for herself.

Good for her, but I have found that is not the consensus among my peers.

There are so many demands on our time. Just because we need or want that time, does not mean it will happen. It does not mean it is an easy choice. At any point I choose to do one thing — it means I am not accomplishing something else. If I am having coffee with a friend, I am not doing dishes, paying bills, running errands, meeting a writing deadline, or reading a book to my emergent reader.

Guilt. Guilt. Guilt.

Maybe I need to change my perspective a bit. However, there is so much to do, to accomplish, and so little time to spend on ANY one thing… to choose something that is totally for me has great potential for creating feelings of guilt. Warranted or not.

My conclusion? Hmmm.. This is not going to change the world, but it HAS created goodness in my own life — Allow some dirty dishes. Stay up later to meet the deadline. Let the clean laundry be pulled from a pile instead of a drawer. These concessions may mean you have nabbed some time with a good friend. It is worth the trade, not only to get some visiting in, but also those bits of time can be the nails that build a valuable friendship.

I still don’t have the balance figured out, but I do know I NEED my friends…

photo credit: Jenny On The Spot

Jenny Ingram is the mother of three children (ages 4, 7 and 10) and lives near Seattle in Washington state. She loves writing here at Type-A Mom, for her own blog (Jenny On The Spot), and has a passion for encouraging moms in this journey…for she has been encouraged. You can also find her on Twitter!

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