Handling Children on the Autistic Spectrum

Many parents feel pressured to modify their child’s behavior to match what people consider normal, even when the existing behaviors are not a problem. For instance, my son Daniel would only wear exactly the same style and color clothes for many years. It didn’t do anybody any harm, and he felt safer that way. Therefore I didn’t do any more than coax him occasionally to wear something different. He moved on to other clothes when he felt ready and now dresses much the same as the other boys.

As the child gets older, he understands more and more and it is easier to negotiate and explain things. Similarly, Daniel used to go to bed in his coat and shoes. I just let him do that. There is no point in making life harder than it has to be. Also, focusing on the issues can make the child more resistant to changing and make it harder for them, since they know that the topic will be continually talked about.

Try to talk to the child and ascertain what exactly it is that is bothering him. When he refuses to do something, or insists on doing something, the reason may be different from what you perceive to be the problem. For instance you may assume that he doesn’t like his trousers because of the color, when in fact it is how they feel on his legs. In the case of children on the autistic spectrum it is often something that nobody has thought about that is bothering them.

Use humor where at all possible. This will help to relax everyone involved. I also used to sing a lot. It used to relax me and, amazingly, Emily says that she used to enjoy listening to me singing. Anything that helps to keep the parent calm will help the child. Similarly, it is as important to do things that make life easier for the parent as it is to make things easier for the child.

Where possible, do things in small stages. When I was getting my children used to walking home from school on their own they went a few meters further each time. Every day, we discussed where I would meet them and I made sure that I was there. While it took quite a long time, there was no trauma involved and they really felt like they had achieved something. If I had decided to do it all in one go, it would have been too stressful for me to see it through to the end and so nothing would have happened.

Read about how other parents cope. There are two main behavioral methods for treating autism: ABA and the Sonrise Program. While you may not feel that either of these are suitable for your child, there will probably be aspects from each which you can use with your family and there are plenty of books on each. Also, there are loads of biographies that help to give an insight and understanding. Alternatively, you make prefer to go to a support group and talk to other parents.

Always explain what is going to happen to the child in a way that he understands. Allow him to give his opinions and say how he feels about things and try to give the child a choice. My son would only drink from one cup, and it had got to an unusable state. I told him that he would have to use another cup and we could either start using the new cup immediately or on Saturday, which would he prefer. This made him feel that he had some control over the situation.

Try to use his favorite topics to encourage him to do things. For instance, Daniel refused to read his Welsh book at school because he said that there was no point in learning Welsh. I got him some Thomas the Tank Engine books in Welsh and he soon started reading!!

Finally, remember that you are the parent, and instinct is often a reliable way of dealing with a child. By all means, talk issues through with other people but trust your instincts and remember that making the occasional mistake along the way is better than not doing anything at all.

Related posts:

1. Errands With Autism Spectrum Kids
2. When a Child on the Autism Spectrum is Part of the Wedding
3. Handling Change for Kids with Autism
4. Handling Public Temper Tantrums
5. Handling Transition Tantrums