Schedules and Other Laughable Matters: Limits as Love

In taking a realistic look at how temporal priorities change as relationships mellow, as children develop, and as careers move forward, it’s easy to recognize that Moms, especially those of adolescents, can have “everything, but not all at once.” Simply, we can have our lives in phases, but not in totality at any given month, year, or decade.

If we elect to accept the unpredictable, dynamic quality of a rich, complex span of living, we can simeltaneously enjoy our husbands, our children, and our work lives. We can, as well, avoid wasting our time and their energies on events which are trivial, while electing, instead, to focus our resources on the important goodies with which we have already been graced.

It is possible to have meaningful marital relationships, proper devotion to parenting, and a discipline of creativity without having to sacrifice any of those elements. It is crucial, however, that when moving through such interweaving, we keep in mind challenges become fun and informative only if we frame them that way.

Consider the typical day in which this mom might be called to a principal’s office, might need to locate a missing boot, or might be urged to provide validation for a report unwritten. That same twenty-four hours might find her supplying money for a teacher’s gift unpaid, supplying time for an extra run to the dry cleaners, or supplying heart to the not-too-small child whose alleged best friend let her down.

Around here, it is the case that when some of my teens go on school trips concurrent with the days my hubby travels internationally for work, it is inevitable that others of my teens suddenly have uncountable numbers of study sessions to which they must flee. Meanwhile, “someone” has to: do the laundry, load the dishwasher, water the plants and feed the cats. That chore charts exist, at the insistence of these teens, at such times, seems immaterial.
 
The wisest response is not the most tempting one. It seems attractive to scuttle all support to family members when feeling abandoned and taken advantage of. However, it is more practical just to set limits.

Breakfast becomes cereal and fruit. School cloths become what the teens remembered to wash. Failure to complete homework receives, not condolences or bravado, but natural consequences.

Possessors of messy rooms get “playdates” cancelled.  Kids who “forget” to put away dishes are awarded extra kitchen patrol. Anyone guilty of leaving the toilet lid up or the toothpaste lid off, receives the safe curt words as those souls who didn’t even bother with their morning toileting.
 
In addition, homework necessarily precedes time with the bass guitar, the crochet hook or the next good book.  Calls to grandparents must be continue to be as regular as they were before the “busy season,” and donations to charity must continue on schedule. Children who abide by the minimum of constraints get the minimum of privileges. Children, who do more, get more.
 
On the other hand, during hectic periods, hair cuts can get neglected. Pasta, an easy-to-prepare meal, can be eaten several times per week. Also, if the sheets are changed ever ten days instead of ever seven, no one needs to be the wiser.

If a family full of teens can be convinced to live according to the aforementioned suggestions, then Mom, herself, will have time for a bath, for lunch, and to complete some of her own work. That said, there might even be enough of Mom’sr time left over for her to drive a forgetful offspring to a party.

Related posts:

1. Parental Fulfillment Matters
2. When Preschoolers Push Limits
3. Choosing the Right Training Potty – Because It Matters!
4. Moms Need to Know You Love Them Now
5. A Labor of Love