As October nears I find myself facing a birthday situation. My oldest child is shared with my ex boyfriend and we have shared her for nearly seven years. This year my daughter has started questioning her birthday party situation. For the first few years of her life my ex and I attended each others parties. The first birthday we actually did as a combined family event, however, the event was not that wonderful.
Our families didn’t get along and so the next couple of years we simply held our own parties and invited each other to them. My ex came to my house for our daughter’s party and I went to his parents house for our daughter’s party there. The past few years we have stopped attending each others parties. My feeling was that it was no longer really needed, we have different friends, different families and although he is part of our family due to sharing a daughter, I felt the birthday should be reserved to be a blast for whichever parent she is with. This has worked great, she gets to have two special days; one with Dad and one with mom. This year it doesn’t appear to be that simple. My daughter wants to know why I don’t invite Daddy to our party and that he should be invited because they are inviting me to his party. I personally don’t like the idea of attending each other’s birthday parties for our daughter.
Why Not Attend Each Other’s Party
The reason is rather simple, I feel it gets confusing the more you share holidays together and it can create issues with the blended family unit. My ex is single, I am married. My ex is over bearing at times with our daughter, I am laid back. When my ex is at our home I have found that my daughter acts less independent, talks more in baby tone, and ignores me; she acts this way whether he comes to my home or I go to his home. My daughter is a Daddy’s girl – no question about that.
I feel that attending each others events simply causes hurt feelings. I don’t wish to have hurt feelings on my daughters special day nor do I wish to have tension on her special day. This may sound selfish, and in all reality it sort of is. I do wish to have my daughter all to myself when she is having a birthday celebration with me, I am sure my ex feels the same way. Attending each other’s parties leads to confusion and seems awkward for my blended family.
The Resolution
I have explained to my daughter that although it’s sweet that her father is going to invite me to their party, it doesn’t mean I have to invite him to ours. Even though the birthday party is “her party” it is still our family event just like the event her Dad has is “their family event”. We are separate families with separate parties to celebrate with each side of her family and mixing the party together just doesn’t work. I explained that I do love her and her father is a very welcome addition to our family but it’s nice to have special time with each of your parents when in a blended family situation.
Image courtesy AKphotos
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