Simple Self Nurturing

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Living in the suburbs allow busy mothers a wide variety of self nurturing services and experiences to explore. Regardless if you are a Stay At home Mother or work outside the home, the time and emotional pressures to set aside space and time for oneself remains the same.

We all draw upon a reserve, often referred to as the emotional or creative well to share our love, nurturing and self expression with the world. The levels within this well is reflected in the happiness and wellbeing of a person. Mothers especially are often drawing upon this well constantly and never have the opportunity to stop or refill. Burn out, resentment, frustration and emotional swings are all key signs that the emotional well is running on dry.

Jenny over on her spot at Type-A Mom last week spoke about the difficulty many busy mums find in snatching five minutes to themselves and about the ways in which mums can relax. For most of us the reality of an unscheduled five minutess, away from caring for your family can be an insurmountable task. With such a smorgasbord of opportunity for mothers who live in the suburbs, one might think that it would be easy to indulge in massages, a day at the spa, the movies or coffee at one of the growing number of cafes a short walk or drive away. However, for most mothers, regardless if they live in the suburbs or far away in a farmhouse, the feeling of isolation, crushing sense of losing ones self and of being dragged at from all angles is enough to housebound most.

Mothers have an inbuilt guilt dispenser, fed by the media, our own expectations and our perceptions of what society demands of us. In truth most mothers feel too guilty or selfish to ask for an uninterrupted five mins to pursure something just for themselves. Reclaiming your space back is something that you must demand, no-one will hand it to you. It must be a habit and built into your day from part one. Even the most demanding baby can be handed to someone for five mins while you have a cup of tea or put some eyeliner on – should they be the things that make you feel indulgent.  Reclaiming your space back – not matter if you birthed 1 month ago or 10 years ago, starts with this simple premise – if Mum isn’t happy, no-one is.  If she is stressed, feeling unappreciated, unfulfilled, trapped, then no-one is happy – not the kids, not the dog , not the partner and you can forget about any intimate relationships.

Something that I discovered is that unless I ‘fill up’ – I have nothing to give. As a mother we dish out love, comfort and care 24/7, we can’t keep doing that unless we self nurture.  Filling up doesn’t mean that you need to take a fortnights cruise to the Caribbean by yourself ( though how nice does that sound?) – it can be as simple as putting a single flower in a nice vase in your kitchen and take a few seconds to smell it and look at its beauty. As Jenny has challenged all her readers – we need to look at the small things that give us pleasure – and list them. By reminding yourself of the things you love to do or are grateful for, you will begin to reclaim yourself and your space back. Simple pleasures don’t require huge investments of time, energy, money or effort and if chunked in small manageable pieces – even the most guilt prone mother would be hard pressed to allow herself a few moments to breath and reclaim a part of herself back. Most mothers find that they can indulge in a whole range of simple pleasures without leaving the home – or finding someone to care for their kids.

Drinking a cup of tea in a beautiful china cup while its still hot, reading the morning paper while its still morning, spraying on perfume, doing a crossword or chatting on the phone uninterrupted, having a deep bubbly bath with some music playing or dancing in the lounge room… the list is endless.

I’ll start with some of my indulgent simple pleasures – the things I can do at home with my kids around and still feel special and nurtured.  I would encourage you to contribute or suggest your own and perhaps write them up on a nice piece of parchment and pin it somewhere you will see on a regular basis ( kitchen or in the bathroom) – just to remind yourself to stop and refill and recharge.

1. Freshly brewed coffee – drunk while hot – from a funky mug
2. Sharing a spider with my kids ( a soda float, icecream float) and giggling.
3. Writing a card or note to a friend using a fountain pen and coloured ink.
4. Feeling the breeze on your face while walking.
5. Winding the windows down in the car and letting your hair get messed up.
6. Laying back and looking at the clouds, making up stories and characters with the shapes.
7. Call a good friend, tell them a joke and then say goodbye.
8. Sketch something in front of me – just with biro on the back of an envelope.
9. Carving an apple bird and then help my kids demolish it.
10. Sitting and enjoying a kids cartoon with my kids.

Annie is a freelance writer, describes herself as a Thaumaturg  (what mother isn’t?) and still struggles with motherguilt. You can catch her growing amount of websites and blogs

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