Stepparenting Is Hard

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Being a stepparent must be a hard role, especially if the other parent is very involved. You may find yourself feeling like you are not able to discipline the step child because the other parent is very involved, however, as a stepparent you are the person of the house.

Let’s say you are the step father, then you are the “man of the house” and you do have a say in what this step child does or does not do in your household. When you married your loved one, you took on responsibility of raising their child with them.

All too often I see parents not allowing their spouse parent the child who is from a previous relationship. This causes drama and the child will feed off this by acting out in emotional and behavioral ways. Children are very smart, you know how it was as a child; you knew which parent would say yes, which would say no, and you also figured out at an early age that if you ask one parent go ask the other and possibly even tell that other parent that the first parent said yes. When you have made it very clear that you will not allow a step parent to participate in parenting the stepchild, you have basically told your child that they do not have to respect this stepparent, they are, in essence, a nobody.

Why a person would marry someone, bring them into their home and try to live a life together without allowing them to parent all children involved in the family baffles me. I have friends who are like this; they will not allow the husband to parent their child from a previous relationship.

Is a blended family myself, I do understand it’s hard for my husband to try to parent my daughter. She has a very involved father and it makes it even harder to step up and be the “stepdad”, however make it very clear every day that my husband is my daughters step father, he is not trying to take the place of her father, nor is he trying to come in and be her “dad”. However, he is the man of this household and the father figure in our house, which means you will respect him as you respect me.

This concept has not gone over very well in my home. A funny story, I had to take our new puppy to the vet’s for her first check up. It was late at night so I left step dad home with our son’s and my daughter. I came home about two hours after bedtime to a daughter who refused to go to sleep and complete chaos with our boys. The reasoning behind my daughter; “he’s not mom, and I wanted you to tuck me in”. She is six going on thirteen, may I add. She has learned that I wish for my husband to be the father figure in our home for her, but he is not comfortable with this concept yet. He tries, but has been unsuccessful thus far. My daughter KNOWS this and pushes he limits. She knows that step dad will not discipline her.

It is hard to relate to a stepparent, if you have never been one. How hard it must be for one to come into a family as a stepparent and try to mingle in their already structured lives. Being a step parent may be even tougher of a job than being a parent, but it is handled in the same way; one day at a time!

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