Tips for Avoiding Toddler Tantrums

Every parent of a toddler has seen her loving little child turn from Jekyll to Hide without warning. Or was there a red flag that the monster inside your precious sweetie was about to rear it’s ugly head? I rarely have seen a tantrum that could not be predicted. Although every child is different, there are some things that are consistent across the board.

Your darling asks for a cookie so sweetly you have no other option but to say hand her one. Then all of a sudden you hear what sounds to be a dying cow. Startled and confused you see that your toddler is screaming and saying something about the cookie you just gave her. You investigate the cookie and see that it is broken. Toddlers reject things that do not compute with how it is supposed to be. A cookie is not supposed to be broken. The banana is not supposed to have peel left on it. The cup is not supposed to only be a third full. Since you just spent the first year or so responding to every cry and murmur she is expecting that you once again respond to her crying by fixing her problem. I never suggest giving in to crying. Once the crying starts you need to stand your ground and outlast the tantrum. However, learning to accept the broken cookie can be a lesson for another day. There is nothing wrong with covertly making sure things are how she expects them to be in these minor instances.

Determined to not miss any deals at the Super Saturday Sale, you look over every department in the store with child in tow. Just as you find the most flattering jeans for half price you hear what sounds to be a bullhorn. You look up but see nothing. There it is again. It’s not a bullhorn, it’s your toddler throwing another tantrum. Frustrated and annoyed you handle the situation in a not so kind way and the bullhorn gets louder. You finally leave the store sacrificing the jeans for your dignity. On your way out you notice the clock says it’s 1:00 PM, an hour past lunch time and about an hour until nap time. Here is an important piece of advice for all new moms. If you have a baby or toddler learn to become an early bird. Toddlers see no value in foregoing a meal to save a dime on a pair of jeans. They work on instinct and when instinct says its time to eat no man, woman or child better get in the way.  A tired toddler is a fussy toddler. Hungry and tried are sure signs a tantrum is to follow so be aware of your toddler’s schedule while out on the town.

It’s like a scene from a Hallmark movie, there you are singing Old MacDonald with your little one the whole way to the grocery store. You get in the store grab a cart and grab your toddler when suddenly you hear the call of the wild. Taken back you realize your toddler is screaming “WALK…WAAAAALLLLK…I WANT TO WALLLKKKKK!” You try to be calm, you try to be firm, you try to look calm, you try to sound like you are not giving in, but nothing is works. This escalates into a full blown tantrum and a full blown frustrated mommy. This is not an uncommon scene in a grocery store.  In my experience, the best defense is a good offense. Instead of singing Old MacDonald on the way to the store you should have been explaining the expectations of grocery store behavior. Consequences for not obeying should also be discussed clearly. If the child is old enough ask her if she understood followed by a few questions. For instance I would tell my toddler that I expected her to sit in the cart. Then I would ask her where she was going to sit. She would respond that she would be sitting in the cart. Yeah, it surprised me too that it worked! If you have a child old enough to walk but worry she will run off then involve the child in the shopping. Print off a grocery list with pictures instead of words and put her on a savanger hunt.

I have also experienced that explaining clear expectations works well when going to restaurants. To be honest, I have been amazed by how well this method works in preventing tantrums. However, this is not a magical solution on its own. Setting clear boundaries are not complete without clear and swift punishment. A child must see that disobedience is always met with punishment. As you never tire of hearing consistency is key. The best way to avoid a tantrum is to not allow one to begin. Knowing that is not always realistic you need a back up plan. Be prepared to set up clear punishments and always follow through.

Although I am not one to feel the need to constantly explain my actions to a child I feel it is necessary to communicate. When a child is upset it is important to define the emotion for the child. For example, your toddler is carrying on about being told to leave the park. Instead of living in fear of telling your child it is time to go;  handle the situation calmly and in an understanding fashion. Tell the child you understand she is upset and would like to stay but it is time to go. Then pick up and go right then without hesitation. It is important to leave when you say it is time to go especially if a tantrum is starting. The child needs to see that a tantrum does not change the course of events. The child also responds better if she knows you understand she is upset.  You may also want to give your toddler a five minute warning that you are about to leave. She may not understand what five minutes is but she will have her mind set toward wrapping things up.

After having kids myself, my advice is to stay calm, never give in to a tantrum, try to head them off at the pass, and communicate a sense of understanding. Remember toddlers react to situations without the understanding of how embarressing or frustrating tantrums are to a mommy. Don’t we all want the cookie intact? I know I am cranky when I am tired or hungry so how can I expect a tiny person to have more control than me? Be patient and understanding this phase will soon end as long as you see every tantrum as an opportunity to teach self control.

Related posts:

1. Avoiding Toddler Tantrums
2. Handling Public Temper Tantrums
3. Dietary Tips for a Sick Toddler
4. Toddler Sun Safety Tips
5. Tempestuous Temper Tantrums