I am not in high school anymore. This should be obvious (particularly if you’ve seen my picture or you know I have three kids), but I feel the need to repeat it: I am not in high school. Why am I chanting this mantra, do you ask? Well, it’s because the instances of social networking ridiculousness have really amped up lately. The number of twitholes I have encountered lately, and the amount of mama drama I’ve heard about or been involved in, have increased dramatically.
So… I am not in high school anymore.
I won’t name names right now, but I’d like to put those of you who will later decide to be a drain on the social web on notice. This is the last time I offer this courtesy. Next time, the gloves come off.
What is my deal? Why should you even be reading this? Well, bear with me. I swear I have a broader lesson in how to properly social network in here. Eventually.
In the past month or so, all of these things have happened:
- I have been attacked a few times on Twitter for making completely uncontroversial comments. It has gotten to the point where comments are so snarky and rude on Twitter that I have even created a new tag of #hecklers and vowed to block and publicly out anyone who jumps down my throat for no good reason. Anyone who knows me at all knows I welcome civilized (and even snarky) debate, but there must be some attempt to have an adult conversation in there somewhere.
- The tone on Twitter lately seems to have taken on a much less collaborative and positive atmosphere as certain twitholes are coming in who see putting others down as the best way to boost their own credibility. (Hint: this ain’t the way to do it).
- I know of several online friends who have been the focus of rather vicious blog/Twitter attacks. Again, there is plenty of room for differing opinions about things. What there isn’t room for is people who flat out target someone and attack. If you don’t agree with the way someone is behaving on Twitter or in the blogosphere, there is no reason you can’t disagree in a polite and adult manner. This means being pleasant, and it means being open to other opinions. It means being FAIR. And it means if you are attacking because of a personal gripe or bias, being upfront about it. Oh, and here’s a little hint here, too. If you throw a popular social networking blogger under a bus for your own gain, you will suffer the consequences.
This, quite frankly, is the bad side to the power of blogging and social networking. Because, really, it IS like high school. There are popular people and unpopular people, nice people and mean people, the manipulators and the helpers, the givers and the takers.
I know I promised a lesson here somewhere, and yes I realize I am rambling. Here it is. When you socialize online, you are still socializing and you are still participating in a community. You should think about how your statements reflect on your personal brand (or company brand). If you say something snippy or snarky or rude, ask if you would say it the same way if you were face to face with that person. If the answer is no, you might want to ramp it down a bit. (Plus, very few people are really impressed by rudeness.)
If you display the characteristics of a jerk, it might work briefly. You might see some small gains.
But be very careful. You will quickly burn through all your social equity. Soon, you will find you have no reach and the work you put into social networking now means nothing. In fact, it means worse than nothing because now you have people spreading bad word of mouth about you at a hectic pace.
So always remember you are in a community. Remember your blog kharma, and remember to be on Twitter and other social networks to give and help first and not to take.
Photo of social drama, © Samantha Mesones.
PDF Related posts:
Kelby Carr
Kelby Carr is the founder and publisher of Type-A Parent. She also is the organizer of the Type-A Parent Conference. She is the author of the soon-to-be-published Pinterest For Dummies, Portable Edition. You can follow her on Twitter at @typeamom and circle her on Google+.
If you enjoyed this article, please consider sharing it!
39 Responses to Twitter Drama and Burning Social Equity
Leave a Reply
Type-A Parent Conference
Type-A Parent Conference 2012 registration is open! Type-A is in its fourth year, and will be held in Charlotte. Find out more at the official conference site.
Get Type-A in Your Inbox
For Companies and Firms
Get sponsorship information for Type-A Parent Conference 2012.
Type-A Parent Founder and CEO Kelby Carr is powered by Keurig K-Cups.
Hi Kelby! It’s me your old pal High Desert Hooker! (I used to go by Retro Heather, but I’ve recently switched. Long story.)
In any case, I feel for you. I’ve experienced my share of trolling and interactions with psychos over the internet & it isn’t a picnic. What to do about it? Often times the more you try to rid yourself of a creep, the more that creep stalks and comes after you. And in YOUR case, the more popular you get, the bigger the target on your back.
I think you’ve got the right idea with your #hecklers bit. It’s a good place to start. I’d write more, but I’m a little hung-over from my twice a year glass of wine (twas our 4th anniversary last night!). Git’ em!
High Desert Hookers last blog post..Joe can ‘do" purple
Beautifully put, as always, Kelby Carr.
Well said, Kelby. There’s far too much drama going around.
Tara @ Feels like homes last blog post..Grace’s Kitchen Friends – Healthy Potato Chips
Kelby-
Interesting post. I personally have not seen this, but I am sure it exists.
“you should think about how your statements reflect on your personal brand (or company brand). If you say something snippy or snarky or rude, ask if you would say it the same way if you were face to face with that person. If the answer is no, you might want to ramp it down a bit.”
Great point, I think people hide behind the relative anonymity of the internet and behave in ways that would otherwise be unacceptable.
Toni
The Happy Housewifes last blog post..More Blogging Tips
I don’t know what the controversy is, but I agree with what you’re saying here. That stuff was bad enough in high school; adults shouldn’t behave that way.
I always tell my kids that you should never try to build yourself up by tearing down someone else.
Dawn @ My Home Sweet Homes last blog post..Heads Up! Frames and Readers
Great post, Kelby! I hate the drama, I hate the rudeness. It’s time to grow up!
@notdiyheather
Heather @ Not a DIY LIfes last blog post..Seven Quick Takes
HA! I vented today too. BTW, it was GREAT meeting you at BlissDom:)
A Cowboy’s Wifes last blog post..9 Online Things that Irk Me
Sorry to hear this has happened. I wish I knew how to help. I think one of the reasons I’ve been loathe to embrace fully social media is because of fears of this kind of negative interaction. Now that I’ve been blogging for more than four years and been trolled, attacked, and dissed, I’ve become much more cautious on-line. Both in what I write and who I correspond with. Of course, if you’re going to put it out there, as we both do, you’ll always attract a hater or two. Not sure wherein the answers lie.
Edgy Mamas last blog post..Make your own Valentines
Wow – I’ve heard of these stories but have luckily not been subjected to it. And I can tell you, as a newcomer, I might be scared away. But I suppose it’s the same in real life. As soon as someone reaches some kind of relative fame the critics come out, or the paparazzi get fight over the first horrible photo of you.
Hang in there because I think the supporters are plenty, if a little less vocal.
Janine (@twincident)s last blog post..UPDATE: Pacific Shaving- Twofer Thumbs Up for giving and giving
Well, I have totally missed the context for this, but have to agree regardless, with what you have said here Kelby. Life is far too short to waste on any unpleasantness. It is so much easier to be kind, even to those one might disagree with. It is important to think, would I be saying the same thing in the same way to a person I was talking to face to face?
Hopefully people will take this excellent post to heart.
Ginger Kenneys last blog post..A New Kind of Boot Camp
I like to think of it as social capital, but it’s essentially the same thing. Basically relationships I have with people that I know I can ask for a favor to help me with a project that I’m working on. I help you, you help me. We build our social capital together.
Yet with one nasty social media interaction, you can burn through all of your accumuluated capital. Why should you care?
Well on Twitter only about 1 in 20 of your followers are the same as mine, even if we travel in the same twitter social circles. So your retweets of my content really matter to me. So if you are organizing a blog for human rights day, a protest against Motrin or are wanting to let people know about a great client of yours — you need your network of tweeple to help you spread the news.
Kelby and I have built up a ton of good social capital between us — and part of that includes a great deal of trust. So when she uses a word like twithole (which really, Kelby, is pretty nasty), I factor it into a larger picture of a woman I know who is right-on socially and is an awesomely helpful and supportive person to have on your “favorites” list. And when someone else, who I don’t know so well spews nasty remarks at Kelby for apparently no reason, guess whose side I take?
Kelby and I have been building social capital on Twitter for more than a year. There aren’t many who can say that.
So when Kelby talks about social equity, I listen and you should too!
Well ‘ma’am’
*snort*
I adored you before, met you at BlissDom and full on lurv ya. Now, you are my newest hero.
Brilliant, Kelby. Classy, eloquent and intelligent with just the merest hint of snark.
Rock on.!
Kelby – thanks for calling this out and for what it is. Playful joking is one thing -
Lynn (www.mamasays.us)s last blog post..Seven-Vegetable Couscous and Moroccan Chicken
AMEN Sister! You tell them. People shouldn’t be nasty. This is a community and karma is a b*tch.
Loved meeting you at Blissdom!
Oh, my gosh, I just posted a few days ago about the rudeness in the blogworld, but left out twitter…good for you for calling it out too! Seems like we are all just a little fed up with the mean girl/guy mentality!
Linda Ss last blog post..My Philosophy in Life…
Good points, K. Just say no to bullies. Better yet, block and ignore.
Well put Kelby. I likened social media to the show Survivor in a recent post for the same reason.
The saddest part of it all isn’t just the initial hurt or sting. It ruins it for everyone because people start being less open or even put on the defensive out of fear of attack.
I’ve been guilty of letting it get to me, and putting me in defensive mode and bringing my morale down. But I don’t want to be in offensive mode either.
Heck, reading those last couple sentences I can only come to the conclusion that I’m not meant to be a football player in social media.
Does that make me a cheerleader? A commentator? I think I’d be happy being part of the crowd enjoying some nachos the most. (Cheesy analogy I know, but hey, makes my point).
Jessica – Jessica Knowss last blog post..My Name is Jessica and I’m a Workaholic
Definitely well said! Thanks for putting that out there. Something everyone should read.
Sarah (GenMom)s last blog post..Genesis Moments is where you want to be!
What a bummer! I have not seen any of this personally, but I think I would remove people that I follow when I see this kind of stuff occur.
As with all instances of internet though, I know things can be misconstrued since they are typed. This is a great reminder to be careful what/how you say things when people are not able to see your facial expressions/tones.
Amys last blog post..Day 15: Birthday Parties Without Spending a Dime
A-MEN. Brilliant. All of it.
I learned many years ago that the online world ceases to exist the minute you turn off your computer, or simply “don’t go there.” Sometimes that’s what it takes to be rid of the garbage some humans spew, safe behind their monitors.
Other times it’s worth the brain drain to once again give the sandbox guidelines.
Thanks for that
I’m new to the blog world.
I’ve had one twitter encounter where after I bemoaned my lack of followers…I follow more than follow me. I got a snarky comment from a guy who said that twitter isn’t about followers it is about covnersation. I snarked back at him. He replied back to me. I simply was not going to let some nameless guy on twitter get the best of me. The conversation ended on a funny note as he mentioned that whenever he tangles with a SAHM he gets burned. My last tweet to him was “SAHMs have no one to talk to all day, so we let loose on twitter.” Never heard from him again. However he did not unfollow me.
Now I come to think of it…I also had another comment from a woman this time around. She accused me of “posting mundane updates” on twitter — “husband just got home, need to volunteer at school, etc.” She said that I should look at what I post and see if “I was furthering the universe” with my comments. A twithole, indeed. And a self-righteous one at that. I unfollowed her!
I am very thankful I haven’t had to deal with this at first hand but have heard about it. Honestly haven’t even seen it going on lately… Thankfully.
Sorry you are dealing with this but very well said!
MommaDJanes last blog post..Mom It Forward Contest
Kelby – the higher you rise, the bigger of a target you become.
This kind of stuff can still bother me, but I refuse to get into public disputes anymore. I let other people rant, making themselves look like complete Twitholes (a very effective strategy, I might add).
Remember, the more you become a target, just remind yourself that it just means you are getting more famous!
Well said, as always. I’m starting to get my share of trolls and it’s overwhelming. Why are some people so set in sticking with the high school, and in some cases middle school, mentality?
Kelby, you know the Traveling Mamas heart you. I have to echo what Wendy Piersall said, “the higher you rise, the bigger of a target you become.” – So true.
This is a community, and be it a blog, a tweet, or a website, we all should be working together, not against each other. People don’t realize that the poison that spews out of their mouths or through their keystrokes has a ripple effect. Sometimes that ripple may come back on them as a tsunami.
Well, said, Sistah! Keep on blogging and tweeting. You ROCK!
Shannon (@cajun_mama)s last blog post..Disney Magical Celebrations Giveaway
Followed you from one of your last comments, and had to check it out. Just being new to twitter…drama does not excite me. With five kids, I have enough drama, so hopefully, I will avoid this.
Jen@Balancing Beauty and Bedlams last blog post..Curing the economy with couponing/freebies
How did I miss this post? I was thinking the other day that I felt like I was in Middle School sometimes in the blog/twittersphere. A few of my friends have become victims of the Twithole attack lately, and it really made me want to jump through the computer!
We’re all in this together, people!
Sarah (Real Life)s last blog post..Raise Money for Autism With a Click of the Mouse
I can’t thank you guys enough for all the nice comments and support. I honestly thought I would get slammed here (and maybe people wanted to, but knew they would be outnumbered by you amazing people). Anyway, just posting about it made me feel better about it and brought it into focus for me. I KNOW to ignore it and not put up with it, but when you get sucked into or become the target of drama a few times in a short period, it gets old fast.
It’s moments like THIS, when I realize just how much positive comes out of blogging and social networking, that I much prefer to focus on. There is such an amazing synergy, an amazing ability to cause change. The bad side is that same energy can be negative, and then it can be just as powerful.
So let’s stay positive! And stick it to anyone who wants to bring people who give and contribute down.
AMEN to that! WOW. I couldn’t have said it better. I know because I tried. There are some NASTY evil people with WAY too much time on their hands.
I’m obviously not popular enough yet since I am not the target of any of this rudeness. Too bad – I can dish it right back out. **laughing**
I’m glad you posted this. The people worth following on Twitter are those who go out of their way to help others.
Everyone should ask themselves – Did I do something to help someone else out today? If not – you are probably not somebody that others enjoy associating with…pure and simple.
But then, that’s not just for online. That’s a life lesson that most of us know from childhood.
Angela <
Angelas last blog post..Can You Make Money Writing For Examiner.com?
Don’t know if you came up with the term “twithole,” but I’ll forever thank you for turning me onto that term.
patoiss last blog post..The Weekly Wonderings #97
You really hit the nail on the head. I have seen some cattiness and high-school behavior, and I was so annoyed. The beauty of Twitter…the unfollow option. Too bad I didn’t have that in high school!!!
Gibbys last blog post..Friday Foto
Twithole. {giggle}
Luckily, I haven’t had that experience! Hope I don’t.
The old mantra works for me if I don’t have something nice to say, don’t say it at all. Since twitter is public I wouldn’t want to get into any drama for the whole world to see! Had enough drama in middle school!
Briana @ Bargain Brianas last blog post..She Speaks Members: Check your Email for a short survey for a FREE 1 Year Magazine Subscription
Loved meeting you at Blissdom. First time commenting, but now I’m stalking you. ;-D
I haven’t personally had to deal with this, but I’ve seen it happen. And I’m glad you called people out on it. Ever since the internet started, some people have taken advantage of their relative anonymity to say cutting things to each other.
Seems that some people don’t realize how twitter can have a ripples-in-a-pond effect. One nasty tweet can get passed around and commented on for a long, long time.
I find I do very well by not being any ruder on the internet than I am in real life. Which isn’t saying much, because I’m not the most tactful person. But at least I’m no more tactless when I’m sitting at my keyboard!
Poppy Buxoms last blog post..How to go to a blogging conference, Part 1: Don’t bring your Hitachi Magic Wand
Thanks again guys! And Poppy, you nailed it with my approach too when you said this:
“I find I do very well by not being any ruder on the internet than I am in real life. Which isn’t saying much, because I’m not the most tactful person. But at least I’m no more tactless when I’m sitting at my keyboard!”
That is me to a tee! LOL.
i couldn’t agree more. while i am addicted to twitter, i also find it to be clique-y and petty. like…high school. i’ve begun only tweeting on twitter if i see people that i know will chat and not completely ignore.
awesome post!!!
melissas last blog post..HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY
After the Nielsen report and me being on it but not skewing the report or stats like some suggested and even being bashful and unsure how to respond to the report – I feel very much what you are talking about. It does feel like high school. Constant hurt feelings, bashing, insecurity, moms not supporting moms and so forth. I’m glad you wrote this.
If moms want companies to look at them for more than “popularity” but for being real and genuine – like this post – then they can’t slight others and be like a blogger in high school.
What Wendy says is so true!!! She rocks!
sommers last blog post..Bleach Prescribed to Relieve Eczema Itching: Talk About a Toxic Bath!
Well said.
I am concerned that drama like this reduces everyone in the community, and the professionalism of all of us.
Allies last blog post..Slither In The Grass
1.) Another site…
2.) [...]I don’t normally recommend other sites but I will break my trend for this[...]…