Widow. It’s an evocative word. It conjures a lot of images for people, everything from the old white-haired lady to “Merry Widow” that other wives need to guard against. I’ve been a widow for nearly 3 years, and I’m neither of those things.
Widowhood can descend at any time and it often takes everyone, especially the new widow, by surprise. I don’t know that anyone is ever prepared for it, even if you are expecting your spouse to die. I certainly wasn’t prepared for it, but here I am.
Introduction to Widowhood
I was married to my husband, Mark, for one month shy of 10 years, and we’d been together for nearly four years before that. We started dating when I was 16 and he was 19. We were babies. Mark and I grew up together, and went through many growing pains, but managed to stay together and get through them.
When Mark and I had been married for almost eight years, we decided to try to get pregnant. One of the reasons we waited for a while was that Mark was an active alcoholic, and while I loved him and was willing to try to help him overcome his addiction, neither of us was willing to bring a baby into that situation. So, when Mark got sober, we started trying to get pregnant. It took us 14 months to get pregnant, stay pregnant, and have our son, Nicholas.
Fast forward a few months after N was born. Mark got a stomach bug, got very sick, had a lot of complicating factors (that were never fully explained), and ended up in the hospital in September. He was there a couple of weeks, misdiagnosed, sent home, and was home for 8 days before he had to go back to the hospital. Mark was in the second hospital for 6 days before he went into a coma. He was in the coma for about 3 weeks before it was determined that he had no brain activity (other than brain stem activity), and I had him taken off of life support. It took 8 tortuous days for him to die. He died November 19, 2005, one month shy of our 10th wedding anniversary. Mark was 33, I was 30 and Nicholas was 5 months old.
That’s how I became a widow and a first-time mom in the same year. Needless to say, it was a tumultuous time. I’d like to help others through that difficult transition, from wife to widow; from partnered to single.
Feel free to post, ask questions, suggest topics, anything to help the understanding of this difficult discussion.
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Sherry Carr-Smith
Following are some of Sherry's titles: Mom, Wife, Widow, Daughter, Friend, Cousin, Niece, Granddaughter, Colleague, PR Counselor, Writer. With each additional title, she is more blessed and a lot busier. On Type-A Parent, Sherry shares advice on the way your world changes when you are given the title Widow. You can connect with Sherry on Twitter as @prCarrS
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