Yes, I was a Teenage Mom. There, I said it.

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I became a Mom when I was 17. I was NOT ready. But I did. I had no idea what I was doing during my pregnancy, and had even less of an idea what I was going to do once I brought a baby home. I was scared.

When I found out I was pregnant, I was in complete shock. I was convinced I was NOT going to have a baby. No way. Not me. I just had it in my head that I would fix the mess that I had gotten myself into and no one would ever have to know. As each day went on, I couldn’t get myself to make an appointment to do what I thought needed to be done. Finally with the help of my friends, I made THAT appointment. As soon as that call was made, I didn’t feel like myself. I was a different person. Someone I did not recognize. I was a Mom. I was protective. I felt a LOVE that I had never felt before. I kept my mouth shut.

I did not know what to do and I was scared. But I DID know that I was not going to do anything BUT love my baby. I had to idea what to say to anyone. How do I tell my parents? I felt so alone. When the day came for my appointment I did not go. I had to tell my friends that I was going to actually HAVE the baby. I had to tell my parents.

Telling my parents was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I had no idea what they were going to do. Were they going to hate me? Were they going to kick me out of the house? What do I do if that happens? Where do I go? All of these things were on my mind constantly. I was and still am, VERY lucky. My parents showed me nothing but unconditional love and support. I’m sure that they were hurt, upset, embarrassed. But I didn’t see any of that. They were there for me and I was NOT alone.

I lost most of my friends. There was no father in the picture. I was on my own, with the help of my parents. The same parents that I used to always fight with. The same parents that I totally hated and thought they hated me. I thought my friends were there for me, not my parents. But in the end, it took something like a teenage pregnancy to show me that I had the BEST parents in the world, and I was so blessed to have them.

I have had so many ups and downs in my life since Caitlin was born. Things that I never really talk about. I have always tried to be so strong and independent. Tried to be the best Mom that I could be. I always felt I had something to prove. I had to show everyone that I could do it and I had made the right decision.

I am finally at the point in my life where I don’t feel like I have to prove anything. And now I am ready to talk openly about it.

I am at peace with it. I am not trying to be better in spite of it.

October 6th was Caitlin’s 19th birthday.

Thank you Caitlin. The day YOU were born is the day I was born too.

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